


A Letter to my Former Self

by DancesWithNobody



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Drabble, Gen, Stream of Consciousness, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, off my chest, reflect to the past, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24137725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancesWithNobody/pseuds/DancesWithNobody
Summary: I wrote this almost 2 years ago, on the day I graduated highschool. Nothing riveting about it, I just had to speak my thoughts that day. Things change, fall off track, get worse, get better, then place you right back where you began.Fate is inescapable.
Kudos: 1





	A Letter to my Former Self

So, I’m graduating today. A few months ago, I would have thought I would be in a different place. A few months ago, I _was_ in a different place. 

Things change.

I’ve said it before, but it feels like I’ve crossed two separate train tracks. 

Even when I was young, ten or so. Before I felt horrible. I knew, somehow, that I wouldn’t be here. At the time, it wasn’t due to depression. At the time, I thought it would be an accident, an oddity. Not my own hand. I couldn’t picture myself above age nineteen, although most children don’t clearly know their future, but I just had this _feeling._

And then, when I was older, it kicked in. My path felt solidified. I knew this was how it was meant to be. 

Then that fateful day happened. I knew when I got the tickets that my course had been altered, that the train tracks had diverted and switched paths. Again, I just _knew_. Like my life had been miserable and some deity took mercy on me, despite my true fate. 

The joy and happiness and sheer _relief_ was insurmountable. However, the train tracks once again diverted, this time back to their original path. 

It feels like it had to be balanced. Again, like a deity changed the course of sure fate just so that I may experience life as others. Or maybe not. Maybe it was all just a mistake. Something that was never meant to be to begin with. 

When I was young, I was sure I wouldn’t graduate. I was certain because I knew I wouldn’t be here. A few months ago, that changed, and I thought I would be happy. As I started so horribly and ended on such a lovely note. A letter to my former self. However, that is imply not the case, and fate has a way of making sure things are just _so_.

I look fondly on those few good months. even though the current is one much different from before. Much more sure. They almost make it worse, because now I know what I’ll never have. At the same time, however, it’s better, because now I can remember. 

This is the way things are supposed to be. Though I long for it be otherwise, I’ve to terms with this, I think.

I would change it if I could, but fate cannot be changed. This is meant to be. 


End file.
